My English friends are fascinated by the concept of vartan-bhanji, the custom of reciprocated gift giving. Although they engage in gift giving and receiving with close family- brothers, sisters, parents, grandparents, nephews, nieces etc- they are surprised to learn that the vartan-bhanji extends to those people from the extended family with whom you have only a very tenuous link. They are also surprised by the occasions which prompt the need to make a gift to comparatively distant relatives: marriage, the birth of a son, the arrival of someone from Pakistan and weddings (and the various customs that, over an extended period of time, take place during a wedding).
Vartan-bhanji is more than just gift giving. It is a formal process that cements extended family relations. To not engage in vartan-bhanji, or not to reciprocate a previously received gift when the occasion demands, is to express displeasure at the other person and to sever links with them. And these are noticed by others. At weddings, for example, people will notice if a certain family is not present and will enquire about the reason.
Like many other customs, vartan-bhanji is also coming under a strain in the cut and thrust of urban UK living, where extended families can often be separated by hundreds of miles. As a result, the occasions that prompt the need to make a gift are gradually contracting.
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